


Jason Brings Home a Girl

by MiloFindsSatisfaction



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Collection: Purimgifts Day 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-11-15 22:58:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18082550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiloFindsSatisfaction/pseuds/MiloFindsSatisfaction
Summary: It's in the title.





	Jason Brings Home a Girl

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cookiegirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cookiegirl/gifts).



“So let’s go over what we’re saying one more time,” Marvin said, standing before a couch of adults.  
Mendel, sitting closest to the window, groaned. “Why don’t we just tell her—”  
“No!” Marvin yelled. “Remember the last girlfriend Jason had over?”  
“Vividly,” Whizzer said from his spot, draped over the couch arm farthest from the window. “This probably is the best way to avoid that happening again.”  
“I agree,” Trina said. She sat between Whizzer and her husband Mendel.  
Mendel responded with a look of such hurt and betrayal, that Trina quickly crafted a defense. “We can tell her the truth later, but we should wait until she’s too deep to leave.”  
“So,” Marvin said. “Again.”  
“Hello, Bina!” they said in unison.  
“Horrible!” Marvin shook his head in despair. “Again, with emotion, please.”  
“Hello, Bi—”  
They were interrupted by the sound of a key turning in a lock.  
“Places,” Marvin whispered. The adults frantically ran to their places a few steps back from the front door; Whizzer and Mendel stood in the back, at either side of Trina, who was just ahead of them, Marvin a little to her front and left.  
The door opened, and Jason was greeted with the demonic sight of four adults, cracking their lips with smiles so wide they ought to reach their eyes, but never could.  
Bina followed after him, and his family said, in perfect unison, “Hello, Bina!”  
Bina looked at Jason alarm in her bespeckled, black eyes.  
“Uh,” Jason said. “Bina, this is my mother, Trina—”  
Marvin sprinted forward and shook Bina’s hand. “I’m Jason’s father. You can call me Marvin.” Still shaking Bina’s hand, he looked back at Trina and said, “That’s my wife, Trina. Say hello, Trina.”  
Trina stepped forward, knocked Marvin to the side, and shook Bina’s hand. “We’re so glad to have you here, dear.”  
“I’m Whizzer!”  
“And I’m Mendel!”  
They cupped their hands by their mouths, as if sharing a secret, and whispered, “We’re the weird uncles.”  
Marvin jumped in front of the other three and said, “Why don’t we go into the dining room! Trina, go check on dinner!”  
Bina and Jason shared a curious look as they walked through the open door into the dining room.  
“Sit,”  
“Please,”  
“Sit,” said Mendel and Whizzer respectively.  
Marvin glared at them. “Tone it down.” He looked at Bina and Jason, who stood uncomfortably by the entrance to the room. “Sit, please, sit!” he said.  
Jason pulled out a chair for Bina, who laughed and said, “You didn’t have to.”  
“My dad would kill me if I didn’t. He goes on about being gentlemanly a lot for someone who—”  
“Would you like to hear a funny story about Jason?” Marvin asked.  
Bina scratched her short, frizzy hair. “Ok?”  
“At his bris—”  
“Dad!” Jason objected.  
Bina laughed. “And you said he’s obsessed with being gentlemanly.”  
“I meant my other—”  
“ANYWAY, the rabbi—Rabbi Goldberg, he’s been friends with my family for years, and to this day we still go out for drinks every month, when our wives have girls’ night out—he was going on about Jason, saying a prayer, preparing to cut, and Jason peed! Just peed, right on Rabbi Goldberg’s tallis. Ever since then, Rabbi Goldberg has performed every bris with a towel on his lap,” Marvin finished.  
Bina laughed as Jason crossed his arms. “When I had my baby naming, I pooped right as they were about to announce my name, and my mother shouted, ‘She Shat!’ and for years, people have called me that. ‘Sheshat! Stop eating all the challah before Shabbos!’”  
Whizzer snorted in the most elegant of ways. “When I was a kid, I just got called que—”  
“SO, um,” Marvin said, cutting him off, “how did you two meet?”  
“MENDEL, COME HELP ME IN THE KITCHEN!” Trina yelled from the next room over. Mendel stood and maneuvered his way to her.  
“Well, we share a psychology class,” Bina said.  
“At seven in the morning,” Jason added.  
“We used to sit on opposite sides of the room, and one day, Jason opened his half-full coffee mug, pulled a can of Red Bull out of his bag, and poured the whole thing into the mug.”  
“And then I caught her looking at me, and I stared her right in the eyes and—”  
“And he downed the whole thing in one go!” Bina howled with laughter. “I’ve never looked at Red Bull or coffee the same way.”  
“After class we went to study together,” Jason said, taking Bina’s hand and smiling at her.  
Trina entered and placed a platter of chicken breasts on the pink tablecloth with one mitted hand, and a bowl of potatoes with the other. Mendel followed behind her and nearly dropped a plate of rice and green beans on the floor. Trina caught them and placed them beside the potatoes. Mendel’s hands were bright red, and Trina held up her oven mitts.  
“I told you to put these on,” she said.  
“I know,” Mendel said, sitting in his chair, his expression mimicking a wounded puppy’s.  
As everyone loaded their plates, Mendel asked, “What do you major in, Bina?”  
She looked Mendel in the eyes with a blank expression and said, “I’m studying to be a detective.”  
All movement stopped. Heads turned to look at Bina. Faces betrayed their soul’s guilt.  
Bina smiled a shit-eating grin.  
“Would you like some more chicken?” Trina asked awkwardly.  
“Yes, please,” Bina answered. “Could you give me the truth, too?”  
“WhAt?” Marvin yelled, his voice cracking. “We have been telling the truth.”  
“I have two moms,” Bina said. “I really don’t mind.”  
“You think I’d bring home a girl who didn’t know our family situation?” Jason asked. “After last time?”  
“It was all Marvin’s idea,” said Mendel.  
Marvin glared at him.  
“Dad?” Jason prompted.  
“I thought you’d especially bring home a girl who didn’t know after last time,” Marvin confessed.  
“How about we do introductions again?” Trina suggested.  
“I’m Marvin, Jason’s biological father.”  
“I’m Trina, Jason’s mother.”  
“I’m Mendel, Trina’s husband and Jason’s stepdad.”  
“I’m Whizzer, Marvin’s boyfriend and Jason’s… friend?”  
Jason shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.”  
“I’m Bina,” Bina said. “Jason’s girlfriend.”  
Everyone in the room visibly relaxed.  
“So,” Trina asked, “would you like more chicken?”


End file.
